Something About Christmas Time
by ellima
Summary: Modern AU. Each Christmas Bellamy and Clarke spend together, sparks fly. Over the years, the two of them have their mixed feelings about each other; but could that change?
1. Christmas 2006

**Authors note**

 **It's only a few days till Christmas so I decided to write a story about it! I hope it turns out the way I want it to.**

 **In this fic, Bell is four years older than Clarke, bc anything more wouldn't have made sense.**

 **I hope you enjoy it and merry Christmas! You could make my day by leaving a review!  
**

 **I don't own anything.**

* * *

 _Christmas 2006_

 _(Clarke is 11, Bellamy 15)_

Clarke tried to push back her tears as she begged her mother.

"Mom, I don't _want_ to spend Christmas with the Blake's. I want to spend it with _you_. Please, mom, I don't know them!"

Abby softly stroked her hair and smiled apologetically.

"I'm so sorry, honey, but mommy has to save a few lives tonight. And I'm sure you'll get along with them, Octavia is just your age, and Aurora is a wonderful woman. Tomorrow, I promise, I'll pick you up and we make ourselves a wonderful day together. Just the two of us."

The little girl hugged her mom before Abby rung the Blake's door.

Clarke really wanted to grab her mother's hand, but decided that at the age of 11 she was too old for that.

Abby and Clarke were going to spend their first Christmas together since her father's death, but Abby had been emergency called. No holidays for doctor Griffin. So she called her friend Aurora, who was a nurse at the hospital, and fortunately she didn't mind letting Clarke spend Christmas with their family.

But Clarke minded. She knew her mother didn't really have a choice, but she felt like she was always second after her mother's patients. And it sucked.

Besides, she didn't know Aurora or her children. She knew her mother had called her instead of other friends because she had a daughter her age and thought Clarke could make friends, but Clarke doubted it.

The door opened. A tall woman with long dark hair, hazel eyes and a friendly face smiled brightly at Clarke.

"You're Clarke! I'm Aurora." She shook Clarke's hand which made her feel really grown. Then she hugged her mother.

"Hi, Abby."

"Aurora. I'm so thankful that you can take care of Clarke and I'm really sorry that it's on such a short note."

Aurora just waved her hand, assuring Abby that it was no problem at all.

"I'm sure she and O will get along" she said.

After talking for another few minutes, Abby had to leave. She tried to give Clarke a kiss on the forehead, but the girl pulled away. Her mother smiled sadly, wished them all a merry Christmas and then disappeared.

"I'll show you the guest room and you can drop your bag there, okay?" Aurora asked, and Clarke agreed. She followed her to a small but nice and neat room where she dropped her bag on the bed.

The woman showed her the bathroom and told her to feel at home.

"So, Clarke, you want to meet Octavia and Bellamy?" Aurora asked, still smiling.

Clarke just nodded. She felt really uncomfortable. All she really wanted was to be home, spending Christmas Eve with her family.

Her heart ached at the thought that she would spend Christmas not only without her mom, but also without her dad. They had been really close and she still had to hold back the tears at the thought of him.

Clarke couldn't even imagine a Christmas without her dad, and now she was going to be all on her own? She felt anger at her mom creeping up in her, and still had a furious expression when Aurora opened the door to the living room.

But the little girl running up to her didn't seem to notice. She was apparently really excited.

She had long dark hair like her mother and her eyes, too. Before Clarke knew what was happening the girl pulled her into a tight hug.

"You must be Clarke! I'm Octavia! It's so cool that you're here!" She grinned brightly at Clarke.

"This Christmas is going to be so much fun! Come on, we can bake some cookies together! Or make a snowball fight! Or build a snowman!" Octavia was the bubbliest girl Clarke had ever met, but it was better than if she had been shy and the two of them would have sat around in awkward silence all day.

Clarke could only nod in agreement, though she didn't really know what she agreed on, before Octavia tugged her along.

It was only then when Clarke realized the teenage boy sitting on the sofa, reading some old book. He had thick brown curls, and even from the distance, Clarke could see the freckles dancing across his face. He looked up when he felt Clarke's gaze, and for a second, their eyes locked before he turned his attention on the book again.

Clarke blushed and turned away, but caught a quick glimpse on the book's title before Octavia pulled her to the front door. _Iliad_ by Homer.

"Mom! Mom, Clarke and I are going outside to play!" Octavia shouted for her mother to hear.

The girls got dressed in their thick winter coats, gloves, scarfs and caps. Then they headed outside.

The Blakes had a small garden which soon turned into a snowball fight arena. The girls played and laughed as their cheeks turned red until it was getting dark, so they decided to head inside and warm up over a hot chocolate by the fire.

Aurora laughed when they came in, ruffled their hair and made them cocoa. The girls sat next to the fireplace, wrapped up in blankets and slurping their drinks. Clarke didn't even think about her parents anymore. She was warm and happy and glad she had a new friend.

"Bell, will you tell us a story?" Octavia suddenly asked her brother, who was still sitting on the sofa, reading.

Bellamy didn't even look up when he said "No."

"Oh pretty please Bell! You know, Bell's great with stories and myths. Someday he'll write his own, I'm sure!" She said, turning to Clarke.

Clarke only smiled half-heartily. Bellamy made her feel uncomfortable again when she had just begun to feel home.

"Why don't you to just play with your Barbie or something?" He asked, slightly annoyed.

Both Clarke and Octavia were offended.

"We're no little kids, you know!" Clarke exclaimed.

"You're not?" he asked, arching a brow "Then who just played around building snowmen and stuff?"

"Um, normal kids, you know? Maybe you're just way too stuck being inside reading boring history stuff!" Clarke fired back.

He shut his book. "I'll go up to my room. I can't read in peace with stupid children acting like toddlers."

Octavia rolled her eyes as her brother disappeared.

"He's such a drama queen. He's in that stupid age where he constantly has to prove how 'grown up' he is. Don't let him bother you."

Clarke shrugged. "What a jerk."

The other girl sighed. "I miss him playing with me. Puberty. Ugh. I hope when I'm in that age they have developed a cure against it."

Clarke chuckled.

O began telling stories her brother told her, about emperors, warriors, women with snakes as their hair. Clarke was immediately fascinated by them and was disappointed when Aurora called for them to come to dinner.

Dinner was great. Clarke had to admit that Aurora was a better cook than her mom. She made turkey with cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and pudding for dessert. It was delicious and Clarke dug in.

"You can eat pretty much for such a small girl" Bellamy commented.

Clarke assumed that it was supposed to offend her, but she just shrugged and complimented Aurora's cooking skills. "I just eat so much because it's so good. Even better than my mom's food."

Aurora smiled delighted. "Thank you, Clarke. See, kids, this is how make someone feel appreciated. You should try that sometime, too." She said jokingly, but Bellamy shot Clarke a murderous glare.

"Oh, great, the princess with the perfect manners has just been here for a few hours and is already a better child than we."

Clarke started to get mad. What the hell had she done to him?

"At least _I_ have any manners, and frankly, you should try to learn some, too, because karma's gonna get you one day."

"Wow, did you just turn a Christian feast into a Buddhist lesson? Then I really hope I'm going to be reborn as a bird so I can shit on your head."

She snorted. "Now that's really deep, Bellamy. Congrats. You should consider becoming a monk. Isolation and fasting could work wonders to your huge ego."

"Me, a huge ego? How about you? What do you get for Christmas? Will daddy get a pony and a tiara for the little princess? Or how about a castle?"

Clarke paled immediately. "Unfortunately, my daddy won't get me anything for Christmas, since he died two months ago." She spat out, and then she got up and stormed out of the room.

She locked herself in the bathroom, unable to hold back the tears anymore. All her grief and desperation came up again when she thought about her dad.

How she would never spend another Christmas with him. That he would never spend a Christmas with his grandchildren who gave him paintings and he would gush about how beautiful they are.

She tried her best to hold back her sobs but failed. There was a soft knock on the door.

"Clarke? It's me. Do you want to talk?" O's voice sounded muffled through the door.

No, she didn't want to talk. But she also didn't want to upset Octavia, so she unlocked the door and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

"I'm really sorry. Bellamy didn't know. And he's not as bad as you think. He's just pissed because he doesn't want to spend Christmas with a complete stranger. And I'm sorry about your pa, too."

Octavia sat down and pulled Clarke into her arms, gently caressing her cheek.

"My pa died, too." She whispered. Clarke looked up to her in surprise, and saw tears filling her friend's eyes.

"It was three years ago. He was in the army and didn't come back from a mission in the Iraq. It scares me that I keep forgetting so many details about him because I was so young when he died. And I miss him. Still."

She was crying now, too, but still caressed Clarke, trying to comfort her.

"We got the message of his death on Christmas Eve. That's why Bell's being so aggressive and doesn't want an 'intruder', as he put it. We're all a bit sensitive on Christmas, but Bell's the worst. I think he still can't handle it."

They didn't talk for a while, just finding comfort in each other's presence, knowing someone shared their grief.

Eventually Octavia wiped away her tears and got up.

"Wait here. I'll be back in a minute." With that, she disappeared.

Clarke let her head sink against the wall. Poor Octavia, poor Aurora. Even poor Bellamy. She even started to understand his aggressive attitude towards her. A bit.

A few moments later, she could hear steps and voices, getting louder each second.

"Damn it, O. It wasn't my fault. How would I know her dad died?"

"Maybe because mom told us but you were too stuck up to listen? And you started the whole fight. Gosh, can't you relax a bit? Christmas is about love and peace, ok? So just be nice for once and apologize."

The steps stopped right before the door and she heard a low curse.

Then he knocked but didn't wait for a response and just let himself in.

Bellamy looked uncomfortable and rubbed his nose.

"I'm sorry I brought your dad up." He mumbled, not meeting her eyes.

She was aware of the fact that he only apologized for that one specific topic, but not for all the insults and his offensive behavior.

"It's okay. You didn't know about it."

When he nodded and turned to leave, she added "I'm sorry about your father."

He stopped in his tracks and turned his head. His glance was not friendly, but not as scornful as before. His face was hard to read.

"Thanks. Me too." Then he turned and left.

Clarke followed him after a few seconds. They all sat down at the table. Clarke apologized for running off, but Aurora assured her it was not her fault. At these words, she shot Bellamy an accusingly look.

He looked mad and opened his mouth to say something, probably that it's not his fault, but changed his mind as Octavia gave him a warning glance.

After a while, the tension eased and they started do chat happily as Aurora served the dessert. All but Bellamy. He was sitting there, silent, barely looking at the others.

As soon as he ate up, he grabbed his book and disappeared. They heard his steps stamping up the stairs and Aurora sighed silently.

"I'll be right back, girls. I'll just say him goodnight." She said, smiled at them and then went after Bellamy.

There were a few minutes of silence.

"You wanna watch the Christmas parade on TV?" Octavia asked, back to her cheerful self.

"Sure!" Clarke agreed, and for the next half hour or so, the girls were sitting on the sofa, giggling, eating chocolate and enjoying the parade. Finally Aurora came in.

"How is he?" Octavia immediately asked.

"Okay. I guess he's just upset because we haven't visited his grave today." The woman sighed and stole a bit of their chocolate.

Clarke narrowed her brows. "His father's grave? Why didn't you?"

Mother and daughter exchanged a quick look, and Aurora seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"I didn't think you wanted to come with us, since cemeteries aren't a fun place to be at Christmas Eve."

The blonde girl's eyes widened.

"You didn't go… because of me?" No wonder that Bellamy had been angry at her.

"I'm so sorry! I wouldn't have minded, you could have just asked me! I could have stayed here and watch a movie or something." Clarke said troubled.

"It's Christmas, after all, and I couldn't let you alone Clarke. Since you mother had to, it just wouldn't be fair." Aurora explained.

But Clarke refused to let it go. "But it was your tradition! It is… I mean, you _have_ to visit his grave! You can't leave _him_ alone on Christmas!"

Aurora seemed to think about it.

"It's only 10 P.M. Still enough time to visit him." Clarke pointed out softly.

Octavia suddenly wide awake and she looked hopefully at her mother, waiting for an answer.

"I guess…" Aurora slowly said, but her daughter already let out a sigh of relief.

It was clear that not visiting her father had been bugging her, too, though she was much better at concealing it.

"I'll go get Bell." She stood up and went out of the room.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Clarke?" Aurora asked her carefully.

"Sure. I can just go to bed, it's late for me." She replied, though the thought of being alone in an alien house did kind of frighten her.

Aurora smiled in thankfully.

"Thank you so much, Clarke. This is really important for the kids. Christmas is a bit critical, but I'm sure Octavia already told you so."

"Yes, she did." Clarke nodded. "But _I_ have to thank _you_ for letting me stay here. You didn't have to. And you even skipped visiting you husband's grave for me. Thanks, Aurora."

The woman pulled Clarke into a tight hug.

"I'm glad you're here. O's not half as upset as she usually is on Christmas."

Clarke smiled at the thought that she made Octavia forget her worries.

Sister and brother stumbled into the living room now. Bellamy wore the first real smile she had ever seen on him. It made his entire face light up.

Aurora stood up and softly stroked Clarke's hair. "Goodnight, Clarke."

"Goodnight, Aurora, goodnight Octavia." She gulped and avoided his gaze as she said "Night, Bellamy."

Octavia hugged her shortly while Bellamy responded with a low grunt.

Then they were gone.

Clarke continued to watch the parade for another twenty minutes, but when she found it harder and harder to open her lids after blinking; she decided to go to bed.

* * *

It was in the middle of the night when she woke up, thirsty as hell. She sleepily made her way to the bathroom and drank out of the tab before returning to her room.

Just when she reached for her door knob, she heard a sound from the room next to hears. She tip-toed over to the door and pressed her ear against it.

It was sobbing. Painful sobs of a boy who'd lost his father.

Clarke tried to hold back her own tears of pity for this teenage boy going through so much grief.

She silently made her way back to her own room. When she lie in bed she struggled to fall asleep and when she finally did, she dreamed about her father, taking care of her like he used to when she was sick.

* * *

When Clarke woke up in the morning, she went through a moment of confusion about where she was, but quickly reminded herself that she was at the Blake's house.

She changed out of her pyjamas and went downstairs, to see the Blake's already sitting around the table. The children apparently had already unwrapped their presents, and they had smug and peaceful expressions on their faces.

"Clarke! I didn't know whether to wake you or not. I'm sorry we don't have any presents for you, put your mother will pick you up sometime soon and then you can have yourselves a merry little Christmas at home." Aurora smiled and Octavia cheerfully exclaimed "Good morning, Clarke!"

Bellamy shortly nodded his head, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

Aurora had clearly put some effort in the breakfast; it was so much and so many different dishes and it tasted heavenly. Clarke dug in again, but this time, Bellamy didn't comment on it.

Clarke was really surprised when she was disappointed at the ring of the doorbell. Yesterday, even before she entered the house, it had been a sound she was longing to hear, finally releasing her and get to _real_ Christmas. Christmas with her mom.

But now, instead of lighting up with joy, her face fell. She liked it here. She really liked Octavia, as well as Aurora. They had been funny and kind and caring and she didn't want to leave them just yet.

About Bellamy… well, she wouldn't miss him too much.

Clarke hesitantly got upstairs and packed her bag while Aurora opened the door.

She heard the women chatting as she returned. Octavia was standing in the corridor as well, also wearing a disappointed look.

"I really hope we meet again soon, Clarke! Just come over!" The other girl hugged her and Clarke promised her to visit her soon.

Aurora hugged her, too, and Bellamy smiled at her. Wow. That must have been an effort for him.

When Clarke got into the car, Abby asked: "So, was it really that bad?"

Clarke just smiled and shook her head.

 **So that's the first chapter. This story stretches over about 20-25 years, though I'm not sure yet. It'll be 10 chapters from what I've predicted, each one happening in the holidays.**

 **Tell me what you think of it!**


	2. Christmas 2008

_Christmas 2008_

 _(C. is 13, B. is 17)_

Clarke was not at all looking forward to Christmas. The last few days had been hell.

A week ago, Aurora died after being diagnosed with breast cancer half a year ago. It had been clear from the beginning that Aurora's chances of survival were incredibly low, if there was a chance at all.

And now it happened. Clarke's grief was huge for the woman who had grown to be her second mother over the years. She still saw Aurora in front of her eyes, welcoming a girl she didn't know to celebrate Christmas with them so she wouldn't be alone. Aurora, comforting her when she had a fight with her mother. Aurora, loving her even though she wasn't her child.

She always knew she had somewhere to run to when she couldn't talk about it with her mother or Octavia. The pain of losing that kind and caring woman was almost as piercing as the loss of her father had been.

Neither Octavia nor Bellamy had spoken more than a few words since their mother passed away.

Though you could hear them crying at night, when Octavia snuggled up against her big brother

They were currently living with the Griffin's until Bellamy turned 18 in a month and a half.

They didn't see much of the siblings. Clarke and her mother would spend most time cuddled up in blankets on the sofa, mourning about the loss of their friend. Abby and Aurora had grown even closer when their daughters became best friends.

Though her best friend had been shutting her out for months, since they got the diagnosis. Still Clarke tried over and over to talk with her about it, but Octavia always ended up yelling or shattering things. The only time the two would spend together had to go without a single mention of her mother's state. Otherwise Octavia would just storm off.

Clarke missed her best friend like hell, but she knew she had to give her time. She had acted similar after her father's death.

Bellamy would just stare silently at anyone who mentioned his mother until they uncomfortably looked away. Clarke had to admit she didn't really try to talk to him, but no one could blame her. They didn't exactly have the best relationship.

When she entered the living room, she stood behind her mother who was wearing a formal black dress and a black hat. She wrapped her arms around her. Abby softly stroked her daughter's hair.

She turned her around and eyed Clarke's outfit. She knew her mother thought the black dress was too short for a 13 year old, but Clarke didn't want to walk around looking like a nun.

Her mother fiddled around at her dress.

"Do you want my bracelet?" She asked her. Clarke simply shook her head.

Her mother straightened as the door flew open and Octavia came in, Bellamy following her.

Octavia's expression was hard to read, somewhere between furious and about to break into tears, while Bellamy had no expression at all.

Clarke couldn't help but notice how much Octavia looked like her mother in her formal dress.

She made a step forward to hug Octavia, and was surprised that the girl let it happen, though not returning the hug.

"We have to go." Abby announced and slightly stroked O's shoulder as she walked by.

The others followed her to the car. Clarke decided that instead of riding in the passenger's seat, she wanted to sit next to her best friend. She grabbed O's hand and Octavia squeezed her hand like it was the only thing keeping her from falling. Maybe it was.

The bad thing about being jammed between the siblings was that centrifugal forces pushed her against Bellamy in every curve. She desperately tried to keep from touching him too much, and he flinched every time she was thrown toward him.

As they arrived at the graveyard and got out of the car, Octavia let out a quiet whimper and Clarke immediately grabbed her hand again. Octavia squeezed it thankfully.

The burial was quick. A pastor said a few words before the coffin was buried in the ground.

There weren't that many people. The four of them, along with a few people Aurora knew from the hospital. No one held a speech.

Tears ran down silently over the faces of all four of them. Clarke softly caressed Octavia's back while she was barely holding it together herself.

It started raining in the middle of the ceremony. Like the sky was mourning their loss, too.

Clarke was not sure when it happened, but at one moment, Bellamy reached out to grab her hand. Like he needed something to hold onto. As soon as the burial was over, he let go of her hand and turned away.

Octavia, on the opposite, turned toward Clarke and completely fell apart in her arms.

The girl's sobs were heartbreaking. The blonde just caressed her, held her tight because she knew she couldn't say anything. It wouldn't be alright by tomorrow. It wasn't okay.

She could see from the corner of her eye that her mother said something to Bellamy, but he turned away. Her mother looked hurt.

They were riding back home together, this time Bellamy was sitting in the passenger's seat.

There was no reception or something. Just the four of them.

Two days later it was Christmas Eve. Nobody was really in the mood for celebrating.

Clarke and Octavia, who had started to come out of her room much more after the burial, decorated the Christmas tree half-heartily. Her mother was working in the kitchen. They hadn't seen Bellamy all day.

When they put the star on top of the tree, Octavia started to speak.

"It's so unfair."

Clarke looked at her in surprise. Though Octavia talked more now, she still refused to talk about her mother.

"I mean, going through the pain once was hard enough, but now mom's gone too. And… Clarke, I'm going to be deadweight to Bellamy. He wants to travel, to make experiences, and study history at a college on the west coast. But I pin him down. Because of me, he'll be stuck in this village until I graduate! He'll blame me eventually for living a dull life here and he'll start to hate me. What am I going to do, Clarke?" She looked at her with desperate big eyes.

Clarke pulled the girl into a hug.

"Listen to me. This won't happen. Bellamy loves you unconditionally. He'd do anything to you. He'd follow you to hell to make sure you're safe. He'd torture and kill for you. So he sure as hell is going to stay in town for you. And when you graduate, he'll be…22? He'll still have time to travel. Or go to a different college."

The other girl slightly calmed down and they continued decorating the house until dinner time.

They all sat down on the table – Abby was not so traditional and had made a fish with sauerkraut and mashed potatoes – all but Bellamy.

"He's probably just too upset to come down. Or he didn't hear my call. I'm going to take a look if he's alright and whether he wants to have dinner with us." Abby said and got up.

She returned a few minutes later, looking pale.

"He's gone. At least he's not in the house anymore." She said tense.

Octavia leaped from her chair, knocking it over. "What?"

Clarke was surprised, but not as much as the others. With Bellamy's current behavior, it had only been a matter of time until he eventually exploded and did something stupid.

"We have to look for him." Octavia stated, and the other's nodded in agreement.

"And where?" Clarke asked, knowing Octavia didn't want to hear it.

"Maybe… I don't know, at a friend's house?" Abby pondered.

"Unlikely" Octavia said, tense. "Not only does he have only few friends, but he didn't even really opened up to me and I doubt he's somewhere pouring his heart out."

"Let's just get in the car and try to spot him somewhere." Abby said a bit despaired.

The three women got into the car and started driving around town.

"He can't be in so many places, he's only seventeen." Clarke muttered, but O snorted.

"You know my brother. He's most likely to be hanging out in a place he's not supposed to be."

"Like a bar or a pub or something?" Abby asked, and Octavia's face lit up.

"Sure! I bet he's getting drunk somewhere. Let's check out the bars."

They found him eventually. Clarke stood in the doorstep since she was only 13, but she could see him.

He was sitting at a table, several empty glasses in front of him, and on each of his legs sat a beautiful tan-skinned brunette. One whispered something in his ear and the other one played with his hair.

Clarke felt somehow sick in her stomach at the sight.

"Mom!" she shouted over her shoulder, and Abby stormed into the bar.

"Bellamy! You come with me, right now." She shooed the two girls away and grabbed Bellamy by his arm. Though he was way taller and broader than Abby, he didn't resist. Maybe he was too drunk, or maybe he wanted to be pulled away.

The bartender approached them. "He hasn't paid." He said, a hint of a threat in his voice.

"He's only seventeen! I could easily sue you for giving him alcohol so get out of my way!"

The bartender immediately stepped out of her way and let them go.

All the way back home, Abby didn't say a word, though she grabbed the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white.

Octavia gave her brother murderous glances, and Clarke was the only one who understood him slightly. He had just wanted to forget everything, escape just for one night, and could she really blame him?

As they got out of the car, Abby looked like she wanted to say something, but then she closed her mouth and shook her head sadly.

And Octavia slapped him. "You're so stupid" she snapped, and then disappeared into the house.

Clarke was the one who helped him get into the house and upstairs, even though she was so tiny compared to him she nearly fell under his weight.

She hesitated when they got into his room, but he even had problems taking his shoes off so she decided to stay. She helped him to put off his shoes and jeans and then tucked him in the blanket.

"Thanks Clarke." He murmured, moments before he fell asleep.

Clarke stood a while next to his bed and for the first time really dared to study his face.

He looked younger in his sleep, more like the 15 year-old boy who teased her whenever she visited Octavia and less like the young man grieving the loss of his parents.

She leaned forwards and gently touched his curls, something she had always longed to do.

Then she got up and left.

She had been struggling to fall asleep for half an hour, when she heard the door open.

A shadow snuck into the room, closed the door behind him and then lies down next to Clarke.

"O?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. I couldn't sleep." Her friend snuggled up against her and Clarke pulled her tight.

"Merry Christmas, O." She whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Clarke. I love you." Octavia whispered back

"I love you, too."

She stroke O's hair and started humming the melody of an old lullaby her father used to sing for her.

She could feel the girl crying for a while until they both fell asleep.

On Christmas morning, the mood was tense. Abby had gotten gifts for all of them, but Bellamy refused to accept his.

Abby was also still upset about the night before, and Octavia was also still angry at her brother.

After breakfast, he got up and went to his room.

Clarke waited a while until O and her mom went into the kitchen, then she got up and followed him.

"Bellamy?" She asked carefully as she opened his door.

"Go away." He was sitting on the rim of his bed, staring holes into the air.

She sat down next to him.

"I just wanted to tell you that I don't blame you. For going out." She said quietly.

He turned his head towards her, an angry look on his face.

"Oh really? Thank you princess, now I am finally relieved from all my sorrows. You don't blame me, hallelujah! All I ever cared about was your opinion! Thanks, princess!" He said, sarcasm dripping from each of his words.

Clarke flinched. She slowly stood up.

"Okay, sorry. Remind me to never again try to be nice to you, stupid asshole!"

She walked to the door, and right before it, she turned around and spat:

"Thanks for ruining Christmas for all of us!"

She slammed the door shut behind her.

Tears of anger blurred her sight. Asshole.

Abby, Octavia and Clarke spent the next few days together, and actually had fun.

They went ice skating, took walks in the snow, even had some snowball fights.

When school started, Octavia was already nearly herself again.

They lived with them for another month until Bellamy's 18th birthday.

But only half a year later Octavia moved in with them again.

 **Authors Note**

 **I promise it'll get happier. I will update soon.**

 **Please review! Thanks for reading & Merry Christmas.**


	3. Christmas 2011

**This chapter is from Bellamy's POV, I hope you like it! Tell me what you think about it.**

* * *

 _Christmas 2011_

 _(C. is 16, B. is 20)_

Bellamy gulped. He didn't know if he had ever been so nervous.

He rang the doorbell, shifting from foot to foot. He was going to see O again.

The door opened – and revealed a young woman. But it wasn't his sister.

He was shocked. In the three years they hadn't seen each other, she had grown up so much.

In his head, he had still imagined the small blonde 13-year-old.

But before him stood a gorgeous girl. She was a lot curvier; her body was a woman's and not a girl's anymore. She looked at him with her deep blue eyes widened in shock. Her hair shone bright blonde and her face had lost a lot of the childish rounding.

"B – Bellamy?" She asked, shocked. It was clear she hadn't expected him to finally come home two days before Christmas.

"Hi, Clarke." He gave her a smirk, and her look turned confused and a bit suspicious.

Bellamy gulped again. He was sure she despised him, and she had every reason to. Not only had he always been an absolute asshole towards her but she also thought that he was a coward running away from his responsibilities and leaving his sister at the Griffin's so he could travel around the country.

Which was true. He couldn't handle being stuck in this small town, so after he graduated, he left Octavia with Clarke and Abby and ran away.

For two and a half years, he travelled through the country, always following the seasons to wherever you could pick something. Bellamy enjoyed being a seasonal worker; he liked feeling the sun on his face while he worked with his hands, with his strength and knew at the end of the day what he had done today.

And the simple life had changed him. He had left as an angry boy, cowardly running from responsibility, but he grew up, his anger toward the whole world had faded and he returned as a young man who was ready to face his demons.

"Can I come in?" He asked Clarke.

"Um, sure. Octavia and Abby aren't home but they should be back soon."

He followed her into the living room. He was shocked when he saw the pictures.

There were a lot of photos. Photos of Jake and Abby when they were younger, photos of Abby holding Baby Clarke, Jake playing with Toddler Clarke, photos of Clarke's first day at school, Clarke as a teenager, laughing.

And photos of Octavia. Octavia and Clarke arm in arm, Octavia playing soccer, Octavia and Abby.

As if she was part of their family. And she was, he suddenly realized. She lived with them for almost three years.

He was suddenly devastated that he had missed such a huge part of her life. That he left her. That maybe Clarke was now more of a sibling to her than he was.

But at the same time, he was glad. She looked happy. He had always feared, maybe even hoped, that she missed him so much she couldn't be happy.

Clarke cleared her throat. "Do you want something to drink?"

He turned away from the pictures and looked at her.

"Water would be nice, thank you." She nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.

When she came back, he had seated himself on the sofa. She handed him the water and he thanked her.

After a short silence, Clarke asked "Why are you back?"

He swallowed.

"I've grown up and realized I was a coward. It was wrong to leave her here. And also, I miss O like hell. I haven't seen her in years. Did she – "He cleared his throat. "Did she miss me, too?"

He was afraid of the answer. Maybe Octavia had grown to hate him.

Clarke's words were quiet.

"So much she couldn't sleep at night for two months. And she still comes to my bed at night crying because all her family left her."

Her words were like daggers in his heart. He left her when she needed him most. When her father left her, and her mother, he left her, too.

He could sense that Clarke did not appreciate what he had done. Obviously she had to glue O's broken heart back together.

They sat in silence until they heard the key in the door.

Bellamy jumped up, a huge lump in his throat. His hands started shaking. He feared Octavia's reaction.

Abby entered the living room first, the laughter on her face immediately died down when she saw him. She stood still.

"What's wrong, Abby? Is Clar – "Octavia stepped around Abby and froze.

"B-Bell?" She asked, her voice shaking.

Her expression was easy to read. Shock and the inner conflict whether to hug him or beat the hell out of him.

She took a few steps toward him, looking confused, and then closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him.

It was the best feeling in the world, having his sister back in his arms. He hugged her as tight as he could and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I've missed you like crazy" His voice was low and a bit raspy.

As an answer she pulled her knee up and hit him right in the balls.

He screamed in agony.

"Damn it, O!" He cursed.

"You _asshole_!" She was furious.

"It seems like the two of you need to talk about a lot of things." Abby said and pulled Clarke out of the room with her.

Bellamy had to sit down because of the pain between his legs.

Octavia remained standing and crossed her arms.

"I guess I deserved this." Bellamy said and scratched his head.

"Oh damn right you have." She snorted.

Bellamy nervously piddled on the sofa pillow, before looking up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry O. I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I missed so much of your life. I'm sorry that I ran from my responsibilities. I've realized it was a huge mistake. I've missed you so fucking much."

Octavia was silent for a while. "I've missed you, too. Fucking much." She finally whispered.

There were another few moments of silence.

"Where have you been?" Octavia asked. She sat down next to him, and Bellamy wrapped an arm around her as she snuggled up to him.

"Mostly in the south and east. I worked as a seasonal worker. Picking and stuff."

And he begun to tell her about the times he didn't know where to sleep, the long days in the sun that burned his skin, how he made friends with a few guys and started to travel with them.

He told her about his life for the last years, the good parts and the bad parts. And she listened. She didn't interrupt him like she used to do when he told her stories.

Eventually he finished and asked: "How about you? How have you been?"

He died to hear about the part of her life he missed.

And she told him. She was part of a soccer team as well as the drama club. She loved playing chess with Clarke. She often took walks with Abby and they would talk about life and love. She and Clarke often went out with friends. They had been on vacation, once in California and once in Mexico. She had learned skiing. And she blushed when she told him that she had a boyfriend.

"What?!" Bellamy exclaimed.

"His name is Atom. He's a great guy, really, Bell." Octavia assured him, but the big brother in him wanted to hunt the guy down and tell him to stay the hell away from his sister.

But he knew he didn't have the right to show up after nearly three years and tell his sister how to live her life.

They talked for almost two hours, until it was dinner time.

Bellamy really tried his best to make up for his behavior. He complimented Abby on the food, asked Clarke about her life and was kind and charming the whole time.

Clarke still looked a bit suspicious at first, but after a while she relaxed.

It was nice. In some ways it felt like they were a family, and Bellamy felt more comfortable and at home than he felt in a long time.

And he couldn't help but glance at Clarke from time to time when she wasn't looking.

Her face lit up with a smile when she talked to Octavia, and when she laughed, the sound released a warm feeling in his stomach. She still ate as much as she used to, but he didn't find it unattractive at all, it was way nicer than watching some pretentious girl playing around with her low-carb, fat-free salad.

One time he caught her staring at him and she blushed and turned away. It made him smile.

* * *

The next day Octavia and he went to the graveyard. They visited their parent's graves.

"I'm so glad you're back" She mumbled into his neck as he hugged her in comfort.

"Me too."

* * *

The day before Christmas, Abby and O went to visit a Christmas market in a nearby village.

Bellamy and Clarke stayed at home and he agreed on helping her to decorate the house.

It was snowing outside, and he noticed Clarke smiled every time she looked out of the window.

They barely talked other than asking where to put stuff or where to hang the lights.

But her presence felt comfortable. When they were younger, Clarke being around had made him feel uneasy and he turned that into aggression towards her. He didn't even know why, but something inside of him had hated her.

And now he felt sorry for that.

When they were finished, he asked "Want to take a walk in the snow?"

She hesitated, but then nodded slowly. She even smiled.

"Why not. I love snow." She said and got up.

A few minutes later, they were dressed In thick coats and gloves and went outside.

Clarke was right, the snow was beautiful. It was around 6 P.M so it was already dark outside.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, until he said: "I'm sorry for being such an ass towards you."

The girl looked at him in surprise, apparently not knowing whether her ears had tricked her.

"I'm sorry" he repeated, and she smiled.

"It's okay. I guess you had your reasons." She said and buried her hands in her pockets.

"I guess, but that's not really an excuse. I shouldn't have acted like a small child and just been nice to you."

Her brows narrowed. "Is that what you're doing right now? Not acting like a small child and being nice when in reality you still hate me?"

"No!" He exclaimed immediately. "No, of course not."

Her face relaxed. "So, what are you going to do now?" She asked, changing the topic.

Bellamy hadn't really thought about it, he'd only been eager to see Octavia again.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'll go to college, study history. I also thought about opening a bar. Or become a policeman. I'm going to figure what I'd like best."

Clarke seemed to think about it. "I think being a policeman would suit you, but I think you'd enjoy studying history more."

He looked at her, surprised. Apparently she knew him better than he thought.

"Yes, I'd prefer history, too, but it's not so easy. I mean, I have to look out for O and I won't be earning money in college. And I want her to be able to fulfill her dreams, so I guess I'll have to get a job."

"You'd give up your dream so she can live hers one day?" She asked gently.

His jaw tightened. "I'd give up everything for her."

They walked in a comfortable silence for a bit. He suddenly noticed she was shaking.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

Clarke nodded and chuckled. "What, are you transforming into a gentleman and offer me your coat?"

Bellamy smirked. "I would, but sadly I don't want to freeze to death. Come here."

He pulled her towards him and opened his coat so he could wrap her in it. She was still tiny so it worked.

She seemed really startled and pulled away at first, but Bellamy smirked and said

"Come on, princess. We've still got about half an hour to walk back and we don't want none of us to die, so just be reasonable for once."

She snorted, but stayed where she were. They had to walk a lot slower now, but having Clarke this near was totally worth it. He could feel her warmth and her heartbeat and it made him shiver even though he was really warm.

"So, Bell" His heart sped up as he heard her saying his nick name.

"When you left, you were with this girl, what was her name again?"

"Roma."

"Right, Roma. What happened to the two of you?"

Bellamy smirked. "Is this your way of subtly asking me if I have a girlfriend?"

"What? No!" She said defensive, but her cheeks turned a bit red.

Bellamy laughed. Clarke seemed to be into him. At least a bit.

"To answer your question, I ended things with her right before I left. It was nothing serious anyway. And to answer your real question, no, princess, I'm completely available."

"I didn't ask. Jerk." She slightly jabbed him from the side, but she was laughing.

He ruffled her hair and she ducked away, giggling.

Their relation was suddenly so relaxed and playful that Bellamy was stunned. And he was even more stunned to admit he liked it. That he liked Clarke.

She suddenly stopped and bent down. He thought she was just lacing her shoe, but when she got up, he suddenly had a handful snow in his face.

"You didn't." He said, making his voice sound low and dangerous. Then he started to tickle her, and she laughed and screamed and ran away from him and he chased her.

When he reached her, he grabbed her and pulled her around.

Their laughter immediately trailed off. Their faces were suddenly so close and they could feel each other's breath on their faces.

Their eyes locked in an intense way and he felt like he would drown in the sea of her blue eyes. Her gaze wandered down from his eyes to his lips. He bent his head slightly down and she raised hers –

And then she pulled away.

"We- we should probably go back." She said, her cheeks flushed.

"Probably." His voice was a bit raspy. What the hell had just happened?

The whole way back he thought about her face, her eyes, her lips and how bad he wanted to kiss her.

And he was sure that she felt attracted to him, too, and he thought about how her lips might taste.

She unlocked the door. The way back had felt much longer.

He tried to catch her wrist. "Clarke…"

But a voice cut him off.

"Clarke!" A boy, a bit younger than Bellamy, appeared in the hall. He had long dark hair and brown puppy eyes and hugged Clarke.

"Finn!" She exclaimed and threw her arms around him before he bent his head down and kissed her.

"Surprise! I wanted to come over to wish you a Merry Christmas. Oh, and I've got your present."

"Finn! We agreed on not getting presents for each other!" She exclaimed.

He chuckled. "Yeah, but I wanted to give you something because I love you so much." He kissed her again.

Bellamy felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

"Bellamy, this is my boyfriend, Finn." Clarke introduced after the two finally separated.

"Hi."

He was so stupid. He really thought Clarke was attracted to him. And he had made a fool out of himself by flirting with her.

But why didn't she tell him? They've already been on that topic, and would it have been so hard to say 'Oh, by the way, I have a boyfriend who I'm obviously in love with so don't get some silly crush on me, Bell.'?

Which he didn't have. Obviously.

He forced his face into a smile and said "Hi" back.

Clarke enlaced her fingers with Finn's, and blushed a little as she saw his intense stare.

Two hours later, they had finished dinner and Finn finally left. When Bellamy was alone with Clarke, he arched his eyebrow.

"So, princess, you have a boyfriend?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I have, and I don't think I need your permission."

"You don't. I'm just curious why you didn't mention him in the two or three hours we spent together earlier."

"I don't need to justify myself for having a boyfriend, okay?" She said angrily.

He cleared his throat. She was right. It was none of his business, and he had no right to be angry at her.

"Right. I think I'll go out. See you later, princess."

And with that, he left.

He needed to clear his mind. He pulled out his phone and called an old high school friend before making his way to the nearest bar.


	4. Christmas 2012

_Christmas 2012_

 _(C is 17 & B is 21)_

She found his second phone while she was looking for a top she left at his place. At first, she just put it aside because she thought it was his old phone and he kept it because it still had important emails on it, or something, but suddenly it started buzzing.

Clarke stared at it. The picture of a young woman was showing on the screen. She was gorgeous, with huge dark eyes, a dark complexion and long brown hair. She was laughing. But that wasn't the worst thing about the picture. The worst thing was the young man next to her, who kissed her on the cheek.

Her hands were shaking as she picked up the phone, and after looking at it for a few moments, she picked up.

"H-Hello?" Her voice was unsteady.

"What? Who's there?" The girl's voice sounded irritated. "Who are you and where is Finn?"

"Finn's not there. I'm Clarke. Who are you?" She asked. His cousin. His neighbor who lost her key. His Ex-girlfriend. His boss. Anyone but his girlfriend.

Please.

"I'm Raven Reyes, and this is my boyfriend's phone so why are you answering it?" The girl asked, sounding aggressive.

No. Clarke closed her eyes. Finn was a good guy. He remembered her birthday, took her to fancy restaurants, got along with her mother and would never, ever, ever cheat on her.

"I – I am his girlfriend, so I believe you must have dialed the wrong number."

Of course she knew that was impossible. But she didn't want to believe it.

There was silence on the phone.

"What?!" Raven yelled. "What the hell are you talking about? Is this Finn Collin's phone?"

Clarke nearly started to cry.

"It is."

Another moment of silence, then the girl said "I guess we have a lot to talk about."

After they set up where to meet and hung up, Clarke just sat on the floor.

Tears streamed over her face. How did he have another girlfriend? Finn out of all guys?

How _dared he_? How dared he treat her like that? How dared he telling her he loved her?

* * *

They met at a pub not far from Finn's apartment.

When Clarke arrived, Raven was already sitting at the bar.

She eyed the girl from head to toe and could see her doing the same.

"So, you're Raven." She said as she sat down next to the brunette.

"Yeah. I'm gonna skip the awkward part: How long have you been with Finn?"

Clarke's hands were shaking slightly. "About a year and half. 15 months. And you?"

Raven swallowed and closed her eyes. "Four years. Four fucking years."

They progressed what the other just said.

"Bastard." Clarke spat.

Raven snorted. "Amen. You know what, I'm gonna need a drink."

She ordered them two beers.

"I've known Finn for _twelve years._ He basically saved me when my mom was doing drugs and shit rather than giving me something to eat. He took care of me after her overdose. He's my _family_. My only family."

Clarke could see some tears gathering in Raven's eyes.

"Fuck this. Fuck this jerk." Raven exclaimed and threw her fist on the bar.

Clarke could really relate to her feeling. A part of her wanted to burst into tears, a part wanted to find out it was all a misunderstanding, and another part wanted to burn Finn's house down.

Raven suddenly turned to her and asked: "Wanna do something really stupid?"

* * *

"Come on, Clarke! Hurry!" Raven hissed.

"Just a second." Clarke kneeled next to Finn's beloved car, a key in her hand.

Raven looked out if anyone saw them while Clarke finished her work.

"Done!" She hissed, and pulled Raven away on her elbow.

"Wait, let me appreciate the sight for a moment."

The girls took a step back and admired the huge " _Cheating bastard_ " that was scratched all over the lacquer. They both laughed and high-fived each other before they ran off.

"That was fun!" Clarke huffed as they came to a stop.

But all of a sudden, Raven started sobbing.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" She cried out.

Clarke hugged the other girl in comfort.

"I mean, I live with him, I've got nowhere else to go and I'm going to spend Christmas on a park bench." She sobbed.

"Wait, what?" Clarke let go of the brunette. "You live with him as in you live in his apartment? How come I've never seen you?"

Raven shrugged. "I guess he must have scheduled your meetings so I'd be at work." She wiped away her tears. "Gosh, I'm so stupid. Crying's not going to help me."

"But I can." Clarke said quietly, wondering if the other girl would accept help from her.

"You can? What?"

"I can help you. I mean, you can stay at our guestroom until you've figured things out. If you want, you can also spend Christmas with us. It's usually just me, my mom, my best friend and her brother, and I don't want you to be alone on the holidays."

Raven looked at her, her mouth opening to say something and then closed it again. She looked down, obviously struggling to accept help even though she needed it.

"That would be nice." She finally mumbled. Then she straightened. "So, I don't know about you, but I'll be heading back to the pub for a drink. Actually, make it five or eight."

"A drink? Are you sure?" Clarke asked.

Raven laughed humorlessly. "Fuck, my boyfriend for four years cheated on me for over a year, and it's only three days till Christmas and I'll spend it with strangers, so hell yeah, I think I deserve a drink."

* * *

By the time the two came home, they were both pretty wasted. Raven was telling Clarke stories about Finn and her, and Clarke kinda zoomed out when she saw Bellamy sitting on the doorstep.

Raven noticed him, too, and stopped jabbering. "Woah, who's that, he's damn hot!" She told Clarke in a stage whisper. Bellamy smirked.

Clarke was confused. "Bell what're you doin' here?" She asked, her words a bit slurry.

"We're staying here for the next few days, forgot that?"

"And what're you doin outside?"

"I had a fight with Octavia and couldn't sleep." He answered." How about you two?"

Clarke snorted. "Bell, may I introduce you to Raven Reyes, girlfriend of Finn Collins for four years?"

"Ex-girlfriend since today!" Raven exclaimed.

Bellamy looked shocked. "Wait, Finn? Isn't that your boyfriend?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "He was, yeah."

"So, that guy has been dating two girls at the same time? And you just found out today?"

"If you're going to say that the guy has 'sick game' or something, I can't promise to not kill you." Clarke said. She never knew what to expect from Bellamy Blake.

He clenched his jaw. "That guy is a fucking bastard." He stated.

"True words you're speaking… Bell." Raven used the name after a short pause to try to remember it. "Wait, that's not really your name, is it?"

"It's Bellamy, actually. Bellamy Blake."

"Alright then, Bellamy Blake. Hey that's alliteration!" She giggled.

He arched an eyebrow. "So is Raven Reyes."

"You're right! I've never thought about it before!"

It was only then when Clarke realized she was freezing. The booze must have kept her from feeling the cold.

She made her way towards the door, and asked Raven whether she was cold.

The brunette's gaze flickered towards Bellamy before she answered: "I'm not cold; I'll just stay outside for a few more minutes."

Clarke shrugged and went inside. She fell onto her bed and wrapped herself in a blanket, but she was unable to sleep. She had given Finn so much and he thanked her by making her _the other women_.

Just thinking about it made her want to burst into tears, but she refused to give in on that urge.

Finn was not worth any of her tears. She would never talk to him again.

As if it was fate, her phone started ringing. She didn't even need to look at the screen to know who it was. She was fighting the need to pick up, to hear his flimsy excuses.

Douche. Jerk. Scumbag. Son of a bitch.

She hated herself for even considering listening to his excuses, for her longing to hear him assure her he loved her.

She needed to get her mind off of him. She stood up and started to draw, until she realized she was drawing brown puppy eyes with some strands of long hair falling in front of it.

She crumpled the paper and chucked it into the trash bin.

She suddenly felt her mind wandering off to a different pair of brown eyes, kind and caring but mocking and offensive at the same time, to a deep voice calling her princess…

And she knew what she would do to distract her.

She got up and opened the drawer of her night stand. She searched through it until she found what she was looking for. Condoms.

The only guy she had been using them with was Finn, but she was determined to change that.

She looked in the mirror and quickly decided that this was a good day to wear her short silk night gown that exposed a lot of cleavage. Her heart hammered excited as she snuck out of her room and towards the guest room.

When she stood in front of his door, she took a few deep breaths.

Then she opened the door and froze. She dropped the condoms and her jaw fell open.

There were clothes strewn all over the floor and she had to witness an image that would burn into her mind forever.

Raven was riding Bellamy, their mourning filling the room and way too much porn action for Clarke to take.

She let out a soft whimper, but it was enough to draw Bellamy's attention on her.

He cursed. Clarke awoke from her shock and turned around, storming out of the room.

* * *

When Raven slipped out of the room the next morning, Bellamy noticed the condoms by the door and his eyes went huge. Was that why princess had come to his room?

He cursed himself. He had had honey, and it was great, but he could have had ambrosia instead.

* * *

Christmas was incredibly awkward this year. Clarke could barely look at Bellamy or Raven, Raven and Bellamy constantly gave each other challenging looks, Abby was so full of pity for her daughter she couldn't think about much else, and Octavia was furious and demanded to hunt Finn down and punch him, and there was an aggressive tension between the Blake siblings.

The reason for that tension had dinner with them on Christmas Eve and his name was Lincoln.

Clarke found the two incredibly cute, and to her it was clear that they were meant for each other.

But, on the other hand, she had also thought she and Finn were made for each other.

While everyone accepted Lincoln and found him calming and gentle, Bellamy was the big exception.

He hated the fact that Lincoln was his age, which was four years older than Octavia, and that he was in the army. Not that he had anything against soldiers, but he knew it would break O's heart if he were assigned to a mission and wouldn't return.

They had several fights about it until Abby stepped in to tell them that Christmas was about love and family and that they should make up, at least just for the holidays.

Clarke really couldn't wait for the Blake's to move back into Bellamy's apartment. Sure, she loved having her best friend around, but in her depressed state Clarke could only take so much happiness. And happiness was basically oozing out of every of Octavia's pores.

Also, she guessed Bellamy knew her intentions of coming over that night, and it made her feel incredibly uncomfortable. She sometimes caught him looking at her.

She now knew it had been a stupid idea, and when Raven spoke to her about it, she assured her new friend that it was perfectly fine.

Although she was anything but fine about it.


	5. Christmas 2014

**Hey guys! I'm sorry I didn't finish this story in time, but I will finish it, I promise. Thank you all for reading and following and huge thanks to those who reviewed!**

* * *

 _Christmas 2014_

 _(C is 19, B is 23)_

"Are you alright? The turkey's in the fridge and I've pre-cooked the potatoes so you only have to smash them." Abby's voice sounded through the phone.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Its fine, mom, you've already told me a thousand times."

"I just want your Christmas to be great, even though I'm not there." Abby sounded upset.

Clarke knew her mom was torn between her bad conscience over leaving Clarke alone and her joy over spending Christmas with her new partner.

She had met Marcus at work, and though it was weird for Clarke at first, she was happy for her. She never thought she was going to see her mother freshly in love like a teenager, but it was obvious that Marcus was good for her and he adored her.

When Marcus suggested spending Christmas on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, Clarke assured her mother that she would be fine and that she wouldn't mind spending the holidays with her friends.

"Mom, won't your flight leave soon?"

"Oh my, you're right! Marcus!" She called. "Honey, I need to hang up, but I love you and have fun with your friends!"

"I love you, too, mom. Don't worry about me. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, honey."

* * *

The night before Christmas, Clarke, Raven and Octavia were in the bathroom, getting dressed up.

Well, Octavia dressed up. Clarke and Raven weren't that much into make-up and shiny dresses.

So when Octavia turned around and eyed their outfits – Clarke wore a white sweater and jeans and Raven wore black jeans with a grey shirt a red leather jacket– she gasped.

"Tell me this is _not_ what you're planning to wear tonight."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "O, you know I could never pull off red sequin dresses." She pointed at Octavia's shiny outfit "And besides, I don't want to. I feel perfectly fine in what I'm wearing."

"I'm sorry, Clarke, but I won't let that happen. Come on; think about Lexa's face when she sees you in a dazzling hot dress. I'm sure _she_ will be dressed up, too."

Clarke couldn't help but smile at the thought of her girlfriend. Her cool, unpredictable girlfriend.

It took Octavia a lot of convincing, but finally, Clarke agreed on letting her dress her. Raven refused, and knowing there was little one could do to change Raven Reyes' mind, Octavia let her go.

They were heading to a Christmas party in town, after a few pre-cocktails at Clarke's. She had moved out and lived in an apartment near her college with her roommates O and Raven.

Octavia was incredibly excited and quickly ruled out everything from Clarke's closet and made her try on some of her dresses. It was actually fun, though she thought most of them looked horrible. Raven laughed her ass of when she wore a bright pink disaster that may look good on O, but made Clarke look like a stripper.

Clarke almost gave up, because Octavia basically ripped every dress off her body, shaking her head and mumbling "It's not the one!"

But when she turned around while wearing a silver dress, Octavia stood still. "Yes!" She yelled.

"You look so beautiful, Clarke. You'll be turning everybody's heads tonight!"

Raven nodded in approval. "She's right. You're smoking."

Clarke looked in the mirror and had to admit the dress was stunning. It was very light, like silvery water flowing around her body, only held by thin straps. When Clarke moved, the dress looked like it really was liquid silver, shimmering and dancing around. Around her chest, the dress was tighter and nestled to her body, showing of her curves.

"Thanks, O. It's amazing."

But thinking Octavia was finished with her was very foolish. Choosing the dress was just the beginning. For another hour, O tried to turn Clarke into a beauty queen by putting her hair in a complicated braid, doing her make-up and redoing it because it was not perfect enough and choosing the ideal accessories and shoes to go with the dress.

When she was done, they stood before the mirror and eyed each other. Octavia looked gorgeous in her red one-shoulder sequin dress, her hair curled and flowing over her back, but tonight Clarke could keep up with her. And Raven was just Raven and looked great by being herself.

They took a few selfies to cherish the moment before the doorbell rang.

It was Lincoln, picking them up. Against the odds and Bellamy's will, the two had stayed together for over two years now. Though Octavia had to finish high school while Lincoln was already in college and such things, they loved each other enough to get through every crisis. Even Bellamy came to accept, and even like, Lincoln.

Lincoln had offered to be the driver tonight, so when the girls got into the car, they still had to pick up Lexa. Bellamy would be waiting for them at the party.

The ride was short, and when Lexa got in, she gave Clarke a quick kiss before eyeing her outfit.

"Wow, you look great!" She said and kissed her again. Lexa looked incredible, as always. She had a unique style but could really pull it off. Tonight, she wore a cream white and bronze dress that looked like a combination of an elegant twenties dress and a Greek war goddess, together with ankle boots and chunky bronze bracelets. Her hair was braided. Clarke thought she was gorgeous.

When they drove off, Lexa laced her fingers through hers and Clarke squeezed her hand gently, thinking how lucky she was to call Lexa hers.

* * *

Bellamy was waiting impatiently in front of the club. Surely Octavia was taking so long getting dressed up. He was relieved when he finally saw Lincoln's car parking across the street.

Lincoln opened the door for his sister, and then offered her his arm. Bell had to admit the two looked amazing, like a Hollywood couple.

Next was Raven, who was just Raven, looking good and with her bad-ass attitude.

Then two women got out of the car. He didn't know the first one, and he didn't give her a second look because his eyes were immediately drawn to Clarke.

She was drop dead gorgeous. She looked like a goddess. He was so caught up in her sight that Octavia had to snap in front of his face to get his attention. She just chuckled.

"Yeah, I agree, she looks great tonight. But remember, she's here with Lexa so keep your hands off of her. And off Raven, too." She glared at him and her mourned internally. Was there anything girls _didn't_ tell each other? And wait, who was Lexa? Then it dawned him that Octavia said something about Clarke bringing her friend.

Raven, Clarke and the girl approached. Raven gave him a short nod, Clarke smiled at him a bit nervously and the girl just stared at him in a way that made him feel uncomfortable.

"So, should we go inside?" Clarke asked after an awkward pause.

They had to get in line, and while they were waiting, Bellamy noticed something odd. Clarke and her friend were holding hands, and the friend leaned over and whispered something in her ear that made her blush and chuckled. Also, Clarke gave her a peck on the cheek.

Sure, he knew girls were sometimes really touchy and stuff and he had seen Octavia and Clarke holding hands and hugging all the time because apparently female best friends did that, but there was something about the looks and the contact Clarke and her friend exchanged that seemed different to him. He couldn't exactly tell what it was, until the woman suddenly leaned forward and kissed the blonde right on the lips.

Bellamy was confused as hell. "What the fuck?" He asked, looking at Octavia. She tried to suppress laughter.

"Bell, I told you Clarke would bring her girlfriend."

He just stared blankly at his sister, his mind processing what she had just said. Now that he thought about it, O did say Clarke was bringing her girlfriend, but he just automatically assumed it was just _a_ girlfriend, and not _her_ girlfriend. He knew for sure that Clarke wasn't gay so he didn't even consider it.

Wait, Clarke was lesbian? The whole time? What the hell?

"I'm Lexa." The girl said and eyed him appraisingly.

"Um, Bellamy." He answered, still stunned.

Clarke gave him an antsy little smile while he stared at her wide-eyed.

He eventually caught himself and stopped staring. He still felt Lexa's gaze on him.

Raven arched an eyebrow at Bellamy, as if to say 'Now you're fucked she plays for the other team' and his sister just smiled at him knowingly before she whispered something in her boyfriends' ear that made Lincoln laugh.

Bellamy was relieved when it was finally their turn to get into the club. The hammering beats and the colorful lights twitching all over the place, illuminating the people's faces for just a moment each time, greeted them, and it was a well-known atmosphere for Bellamy, one he felt comfortable with.

Even though tonight, there was a hint of bitterness in the air. It was Christmas Eve, and everyone in here had either no family to come home to, or something made it impossible, or they were at such bad terms with their family they didn't even bother coming home for Christmas. Either way, those were all people with nothing to do on Christmas but to get drunk and dance away their worries and home sicknesses. It made Bellamy flinch because he thought about his mother but also of Abby who had welcomed him every Christmas since their mother died with no questions asked and had shown them kindness year to year. He had to admit he was sad that they couldn't spend the holidays together this year.

They made their way over to the bar and ordered drinks. Octavia quickly started dancing with Lincoln in a way that Bellamy found inappropriate. Sure, he had never minded any women dancing with him in that way, but it was different with his _sister_. He sent a few glares over to Lincoln, who had learned to ignore them, before noticing that even though Raven and Lexa had also begun dancing; Clarke was still standing at the bar beside him.

She watched Lexa, who motioned her to come over and join them, but she shook her head and smiled. She saw Bellamy watching her and took a sip of her drink.

"It's strange, isn't it? I mean being on a party and not with your family." She said. She had to speak up because of the loud music.

Bellamy was fascinated by the way the light got caught on the silver fabric and shimmered and emphasized her body. It took him a few moments to draw his eyes from her body and answer.

"I know." He cleared his throat. "I kinda miss it."

Bellamy figured Clarke was already a bit tipsy because of the pregaming they had at the girl's apartment, because she was a bit red on the cheeks and more opened towards him.

"I'm just a bit afraid that mom doesn't accept me and Lexa. I haven't told her yet, and what if she doesn't approve of me being bisexual?" Clarke said as if picking up a talk.

"Um-" Bellamy didn't really know what to say.

"But I love Lexa, I really do, and if she doesn't accept that major part of me, what will I do? I've been on the internet for advice but it was just not really comforting. There were so many people whose parents broke off the contact or denied their children. I know my mom's too kind for that, but still, what if I'm wrong?" She had tears in her eyes.

Bellamy put a hand on her arm for reassurance. "Don't worry, Clarke. Your mother loves you unconditionally and you know that. How about you go dancing with your beautiful girlfriend now to distract yourself?"

Clarke shook her head. "I don't dance."

Bellamy smirked. "You sure?"

* * *

It took Clarke a few drinks, but eventually she started dancing. She felt free and beautiful tonight, and she was so close to Lexa who wiggled her body up and down that she found it hard to concentrate on anything but her.

She also noticed other guys admiring Lexa, a few even dared to approach her. But when they did, Lexa just laughed and whispered something in their ears that made them go away. Clarke felt somehow proud that this dazzling woman was hers.

Clarke eventually made her way to the bathroom. All these drinks took their toll. On her way back to Lexa, she stumbled upon Raven, who they had lost in the crowd.

"Claaarke!" She yelled, and hugged the other girl. "Clarke I've met someone, look!" She pulled a guy next to her. Clarke eyed him. He was handsome, with blond hair and brown eyes and a cute little moustache.

"This is Wick! I know him from engineering school, but he's such a jerk I've never noticed how hot he is! And not a jerk at all!" Raven was apparently just as drunk as the rest of them, and when Raven shoved her drink into her hands so the two could start making out, Clarke quickly left them alone.

But when she arrived at the bar, she saw something that made her freeze. Lexa.

In an intimate hug with black-haired a girl she didn't know. When Clarke unconvincingly reassured herself that it was just a really long hug that didn't have to mean anything, the girls kissed.

Clarke dropped her drink. The sound of the shattering glass made the girls look up. Lexa locked her gaze with Clarke, and then turned to the other woman again.

Tears threatened to spill over as she turned around and fought her way through the crowd. She just wanted to go home, to get away and never have to see Lexa again.

She kept her head low so when she bumped into somebody, she didn't recognize him and just mumbled "Sorry" as she tried to push past him, but the man grabbed her arm. "Clarke!"

She looked up to see Bellamy looking down on her worriedly.

His caring gaze was just too much. A sob escaped her chest and before she knew what was going on she threw her arms around Bell and held on to him tightly, crying into his shirt. It took him a few moments to react, but then he hugged her back and Clarke suddenly felt really protected.

"Come on, let's get you out of here." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her out of the club.

He didn't ask but his eyes were asking enough.

"L-Lexa, she…" Clarke let out a short little sob but composed herself. "She kissed a-another girl." Her voice was trembling and the tears just wouldn't stop spilling down her cheeks.

Apparently Bellamy didn't know what to say. There was pity in his eyes.

She felt so incredibly stupid. What did she do wrong to deserve not only once, but being cheated on twice? What was wrong with her that she was never enough for them?

She suddenly found herself in Bellamy's arms, again, and he comfortingly stroked her hair.

"It's not your fault. They're the ones being stupid for letting such an amazing girl go."

Clarke pulled away a bit and studied his face. He seemed serious.

And then she thought of Lexa and the pain stabbed her like a dagger and there was Bellamy telling her she was amazing and all she really needed now was someone to make her feel precious again-

She pulled him down and kissed him. At first, he seemed too startled to react, but then he went along, with his soft but demanding lips. The kiss was too gentle, he was holding back. Clarke opened her lips, made her tongue entangle with his, playfully biting his lips. She didn't know until now how long she had been craving this kiss. Craving Bellamy.

"You're so pathetic."

A well-known voice made the two pull apart.

Lexa stood there with crossed arms, her glare piercing Clarke.

She could feel that Bellamy backed away. "I'll leave you two alone?" He raised an eyebrow at Clarke, and when she didn't respond, he left.

Her mouth went dry. Suddenly anger flooded her. She walked up to the girl and stood right before her.

"You're calling me pathetic? You're the one who cheated on me!"

Lexa rolled her eyes. " I had too, okay? And don't you dare acting all high and mighty, as soon as possible you threw yourself into the arms of your little childhood crush!"

"He's not my – what do you mean you had to?"

"Does it matter? Look, I thought you trusted me. Sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love for a better cause, because love is weakness, and I won't be weak."

Clarke stared at her in disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Lexa's jaw tightened. "I did what I had to do. And I won't excuse for it."

"What is wrong with you? We're in a relationship and you cheat on me and expect me to accept it without apology or explanation?"

"Ah well and you kissing this jerk should be completely okay with me, huh?"

"No! Yes! I-" Clarke nearly stomped her foot out of frustration. "I don't know what to think right now. Could you just explain it to me, then-"

"Fine!" Lexa cried out. "She is helping me to get my brother out of jail."

Clarke was shocked. She didn't even know Lexa had a brother, much less one in jail.

"You don't get it. He is my family and I will stick to him no matter what. And if I need to kiss someone, or sleep with someone to do so, I will. And if you mind that, then we should better go our separate ways."

Betrayal. That's what she felt. And anger.

"Have you – Did you kiss her before?"

The look in Lexa's eyes gave her away.

"Did you – " Her voice trembled. "Did you sleep with her?"

Lexa looked away. A single tear rolled down Clarke's cheek and she tried hard to keep her voice steady.

"While we were together?" Her voice seemed to be an octave higher than usually.

And again Lexa didn't answer. And that was answer enough.

"You know what? I'm done with you Lexa. Screw you. You – I mean – do you even regret it?"

The other girl raised her chin.

"I'd never regret helping my brother in every possible way. But- " Her voice grew softer. "I do regret hurting you, Clarke."

Clarke had a huge lump in her throat as she turned away.

Tears streamed down her cheek as she went back into the club to search her friends.

When Octavia saw her tear-streaked face, she hugged her.

"Do you want to go home?"

Clarke nodded.

"Fine, I'll get the others. Wait right here."

Numbness took over Clarke. She barely noticed Octavia leading her to the car, she didn't even notice she was still crying, she barely heard Raven asking what the hell was wrong, and Bellamy's voice explaining sounded like he was far, far away.

What she really wanted was to sleep and just escape everything. She fell asleep in the car and didn't even remember how she got into bed when she woke up the next morning.

It was really early, and Clarke guessed the others were still asleep. She tip-toed out of her room and carefully opened the door of the guest room.

Bellamy was asleep, looking younger than and not as harsh as when he was awake. She silently closed the door behind her and made her way over to him.

She didn't want to sleep with him this time, not even kiss him; all she wanted was for him to hold her again, to make her feel safe and protected.

She crawled into bed next to him when he suddenly woke up.

"Clarke?" He asked, still half asleep. Then he sat up abruptly.

"Clarke, what the hell are you doing?"

Her eyes went wide. He seemed angry which was the last thing she had expected.

"I – I just wanted to – I mean I didn't-" She started stammering.

He looked somehow pained.

"Don't, Clarke. Just go, okay? I'm not what you need right now."

"Yes, you are! Bell, I – "

"I don't want it, okay? Leave me alone. There's nothing between us. Just accept it."

She almost started crying again, but she got up and left.

None of them mentioned it again.

* * *

 **Sorry guys for not updating, but I was at my grandparents. Hope you enjoyed the chapter though.**

 **Happy new year to all of you!**


	6. Christmas 2015

**A/N: Okay first of all, I'm terribly sorry for not updating. I'm afraid I don't even have any valid excuses. I just didn't feel like writing. Anyways, I'm hoping you'll enjoy this chapter! Warning: light smut and language.  
**

 _Christmas 2015_

 _(Clarke is 20, Bell Is 24)_

Clarke's hands gripped the wheel tighter. It was snowing really heavily right now and she was afraid she might get stuck with her car. The road was deserted except for her as far as she could see, and it had been an hour since she passed the last village. She really felt like the only person out here.

She only hoped she'd make it to the cabin the friends had rented before the heavy snowing turned into a real blizzard, which could happen any minute now. It had even been announced on the radio, but no, Clarke could hear Octavia's voice: " _Come on Clarke, it'll be fun. There'll be no blizzard. These weather guys are just overacting. We've been looking forward to this trip for so long now; we won't let it be ruined because of a little snow."_

A little snow. Clarke snorted. It was getting dark now and she was getting tenser and tenser.

Her navigation system told her she would be there in ten minutes and she had to drive onto a small road that barely deserved the name. It felt like forever until the cabin finally appeared behind the last curve.

Finally, she relaxed. She really had been looking forward to this weekend; she and O had the idea of their gang spending three days in a cabin somewhere snowy, where they could go sleigh riding, taking winter walks through the forest and roasting marshmallows over the fireplace in the evening. They both imagined it really cozy and romantic (romantic mostly for Octavia) and the others were excited about it as well. The others meant Lincoln, Raven, her boyfriend Wick, who she surprisingly kept around after their make-out session, and, to Clarke's discontent, Bellamy, as well as Monty and Jasper, two guys Wick had brought along and who were incredibly fun to have around and quickly integrated into their group. Jasper had originally planned to bring his girlfriend Maya with him, but there were only four bedrooms, which had been hard to split up already between the eight of them. Of course, O and Lincoln would share a room, as well as Wick and Raven, Monty and Jasper who were childhood friends had no problem to share a bed, and Bellamy agreed to take the couch so Clarke could have the fourth bedroom.

Clarke really hoped their mini vacation would go well. She really needed some time off; college was really hard. She didn't have much time to relax lately.

When she parked her car, her face fell when she saw the only car already parked next to the cabin. It was Bell's black Mercedes. She had been avoiding being alone with him, both of them uncomfortable around the other after what happened at the Christmas party last year. Sure, they would hang out, but only with other friends around and even then they barely exchanged a word.

She sat in her car for a few moments, delaying the confrontation, but with the engine turned off, it soon started to get cold.

Through the cabin windows, she saw the warm glow of the fire and finally got out of the car, dragged her bag to the door and opened it with one of the keys landlord had sent them. Heavenly warmth greeted her. Just the few moments in the snowstorm had caused her to be cold.

Of course, the warmth wasn't the only thing greeting her. Looking up from his book, Bellamy gave her a smirk from the sofa where he sat. Clarke forced a smile on her lips. She was sure it was not very convincing.

"Hi." She said, and he nodded. "Yeah, hi."

Then he returned his stare to his book.

Clarke snorted. "When will the others arrive here?"

He didn't even look up.

"Octavia called me half an hour ago and told me she, Lincoln, Monty and Jasper would get here at around seven."

"But it is seven."

He shot her an annoyed look.

"Princess have you looked outside? There's a fucking blizzard. Traffic must be terrible."

She stared him in the eye a few moments, then she shrugged.

"I'll go unpack my stuff. Which room is mine?"

"I don't care."

She rolled her eyes. Just great. She was praying O and the others would come as soon as possible.

She took a look into the bedrooms and decided the smallest would be hers. Sure, it was small, but it was the only one with a fireplace. Also, it seemed unfair to her that she, who was alone, should take up more space than the couples.

Unpacking was a bit of an exaggeration. She only had one pair of yoga pants, a jeans, three sweaters and some underwear along with fuzzy socks, and putting this into the closet took her thirty seconds.

She sat on her bed for a short time, before deciding that she was childish for hiding in her room. Plus, she was bored.

When she got back to the living room, Bellamy was still sitting on the same place, in the same position, his eyes glued to his book.

Clarke sat down on the armchair opposite him, and watched him for a while. When he looked up and caught her stare, she quickly looked away.

"What are you reading?" She asked after minutes of silence.

He gave her a questioning look. "The Aeneid by Virgil, though I doubt you know it."

It made her angry how snotty he was, though she had to admit she really never heard of the book.

But no way was she going to admit that. "Ah, great book. Though it wasn't exactly my taste."

He arched and eyebrow.

"Really, so what was your favorite part?"

After a short hesitate, she said "The battle." There's always a battle in books, right? And she knew him, and knew that it was probably a history book, which made it likely there was a battle.

"Really. The battle." He snorted. "And what do you think about Lavinia's suicide?"

Her cheeks reddened a bit. "It was tragic. I felt sorry for her."

"And Amata burning Rome down?" He tried to hide a grin.

"I can understand her. It was necessary." She had no idea what she was talking about.

"And how about the part where Aenas sleeps with the dragon?" His lips twitched.

"The… what? Um, that was a great plot twist, I mean…"

Bellamy burst out laughing. He couldn't hold it together. Clarke just watched him astonished, and then she felt her cheeks flushing in anger.

"Are you laughing about me?"

Bellamy caught himself, still chuckling.

"Yeah, great book. I think I might have missed out the part about the dragon sex, though."

"These were trick questions?" She was embarrassed and slightly mad. Though she had to admit she would have done the same.

"For your information, Dido, and not Lavinia committed suicide, Rome wasn't even built, and I can assure you that no one sleeps with dragons or any other kind of mythical creature. But nice try, Clarke."

"Asshole."

"Hey, you're the one who just couldn't admit to not having read some book just because you wanted to make yourself seem educated and fancy. And, of course, you didn't want me to be better than you."

"I don't – " She closed her mouth when his phone started ringing. He answered.

"Octavia?" "Sure." "Damn, that bad?" "Won't? You mean, not at all?" "Damn it! What about Raven and Wick? Too?" "No, I'm not. Clarke's here, too." "No, O, I won't. Shut up, I'm not! Would you please mind your own business?" "No, I'm just happy you're alright." "Yeah, sure. I hope you won't get bored." "Ugh, O, too much information." "Yeah, sure. I will." "Love you too. Bye. Try to make it, okay?" "No, that's not what I meant. Stay until its safe." "Sure. See you, O. Bye."

Only hearing his part of the conversation, Clarke stared at him questioningly when he hung up.

Bellamy sighed. "They won't make it. The blizzard got worse and they're trapped in a small town about two hours from here. They've checked into a hotel for the next few days."

"Days?" Clarke asked, an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

"Yeah, seems like the weather forecast is right. The storm will keep going until at least tomorrow, and even then, they don't know how soon they'll be able to leave."

"You mean…" She swallowed. "We're alone here until at least tomorrow?"

"As I said, more likely until Sunday. And believe me, I'm not excited about being trapped in here with you as well, Princess."

She pushed away her feeling of rejection at his words, because _of course_ he wasn't happy about being stuck with her, but still-

"Great. Just great. Exactly how I imagined my perfect weekend. I'm in a cozy little cabin with my best friends brother who has been an asshole towards me basically since we met and did I mention that we can't even walk out on each other when we're pissed off, which I, for my part, will very likely be due to staying in a room with you for longer than ten minutes?"

Bellamy snorted, but he didn't answer. Which frustrated Clarke even more. Couldn't he just _once_ say what was on his mind, just once tell her what he was really thinking? Sometimes when he spoke, she could see the conflict between what he said and what his face and his eyes showed. But he was good at hiding his feelings. Well, maybe she was just imagining it and he was really an asshole, without any soft core. But somehow, she doubted it, because he could be nice, and caring, and loving, he just had a hard time showing it.

She had to focus. Okay, she was trapped in a cabin with Bellamy Blake, nightmare of her childhood, sometimes secret crush of her teenie years, and bearable company in her adulthood, for two days. But it was not like they were forced to spend the two days together, right? She had her books with her, so she would be able to study. It wouldn't be the relaxing timeout she was craving, but fine. At least she would get ahead in her classes.

"Fine. I'll just leave you alone, and you leave me alone, okay?"

Bellamy looked irritated, but nodded.

"Okay. Just for you information, you're lucky I went grocery shopping on my way here, but the stuff's still in the trunk of my car." He said.

"Are you fucking serious? Are you telling me I have to walk right into a fucking _blizzard_ to get me food? Are you stupid? Couldn't you just unload it right away?"

"First of all, stop insulting me, you should be glad there is any food to get you at all. Also, if you go right now, the blizzard's not on its worst yet, so I'd suggest it."

Clarke counted to three internally before spitting "You're seriously going to make _me_ go out there to get the food? You can't be fucking serious!"

He smirked in a way that drove Clarke crazy.

"Fine! I'll go get the stupid groceries!"

It took her several tries, but finally she managed to run the few meters to his car, open the trunk, grab the first two bags she saw and run back inside.

After she slammed the door behind her, she turned to Bellamy with a triumphant smile.

"So, I am going to make myself some dinner now." She announced, and headed for the kitchen.

She heard Bellamy closing his book and following her, but when he tried to open the bag, she slapped his hand.

"You're really thinking you're going to get anything from this? Hell no, Bellamy Blake. Since you were such a gentleman and made me walk out into a blizzard, I'm gonna be a gentlewoman and eat it all by myself."

Bellamy laughed. "Fine with me, Clarke."

She raised an eyebrow. She had expected him to get angry.

"You're not going to complain?"

"No. You'll change your mind sooner or later."

"Ah, really. What makes you think that?" She snorted.

He suddenly leaned close to her and let his lips ghost above her ear. His voice was low and tempting and it gave Clarke shivers down her spine.

"Because I can be pretty persuasive if I want to be."

Clarke could feel herself blushing, and she struggled for words, but then he pulled away.

"Also, I know you have no idea how to cook, and if you don't want to eat raw chicken, you'll have to get back to me." He laughed as he left the kitchen.

* * *

Two hours. Clarke spent two freaking hours trying to create something edible and actually not disgusting, but eventually, she gave up. She sucked at cooking. She had taken one brief look at the chicken, and was horrified. It wasn't chicken strips, or just the chest, or legs, it was a whole goddamn chicken. Sure, without feathers, but still. What the hell was she supposed to do with it? Just shove it in the oven? Cut it herself? Just throw it in the mixer and hope it would turn out as a chicken soup?

The most embarrassing thing about it was that the kitchen was open to the living room, and she could sometimes catch Bellamy laughing at her poor cooking skills. It frustrated her incredibly; she wanted to show him she could do this so bad, but failed miserably.

Her attempt at making grilled vegetables had resulted into her letting out frustrated screams because she didn't even know how to cut it properly and just threw it all in a pan, in which it did exactly nothing for the last hour.

"Need a helping hand, princess?" She didn't even have to turn around to know he was smirking.

Okay. Do not get angry. Accept that you need help. You need help from friggin Bellamy Blake. It's fine. Really.

"I actually do." Her voice was flat.

"Maybe you should try turning the stove on. I mean, I don't know what you're trying to do, but it seems to me like you want it to be something like a meal."

She clenched her hands into fists and then slowly relaxed them.

"The stove. Yeah, I knew it was off, I was just trying to let the peppers… breathe."

"Breathe." His voice sounded weird, like he was trying to hold back laughter.

She twirled around. "Okay, fine, kitchen is yours. Just _please_ spare your complacent comments, okay?" And with that she stormed into her room.

She refused to come out of there for the next hour because she was still fuming over the satisfaction she'd given Bellamy. She knew she was being childish, but couldn't help it.

She had been staring blankly at one of her med books when there was a soft knock on the door.

"Clarke? If you want to eat, dinner's ready. I promise I'll behave, really." One could almost hear the laughter in his voice.

Though she tried to talk herself into not being hungry, her loud stomach growl gave her away. She groaned and got up to open the door. Bellamy was leaning against the doorframe with a smirk on his face.

Not even looking him in the eye, she walked right past him.

The sight of the table made her stop in her tracks. It was beautiful. The table was set with nice china, dark red napkins, wine goblets and a candle in the middle. She opened her mouth but didn't know what to say, so she just shot Bellamy a slightly confused look.

He seemed a bit insecure suddenly.

"That's, um, my way to apologize for being so snotty earlier. I'm sorry. Now, come on."

He actually offered her his arm to guide her to her seat, where he pulled out her chair for her. She almost giggled at the absurd situation.

He served a chicken that looked and smelled so good it made her mouth water, along with some side dishes. He also poured both of them a glass of red wine.

When they clinked glasses, he looked her in the eye in an intense and intriguing way that made her blush.

What the hell was going on? This was so not what she expected, and it made her feel weird and happy at the same time. It seemed like that perfectly described Bellamy, always contradictions; angry and caring, sad but happy, loving and mean. You never knew what to expect from him, and it was one of the things that drew Clarke to him.

There, she admitted it. She was drawn to Bellamy fucking Blake. Always been, if she was honest, except for the times when he'd been a real asshole. And maybe even then.

But she really had to stop thinking about it, because he was already shooting her questioning looks. She quickly downed her glass of wine smiled when he immediately refilled it.

The food tasted heavenly, and though it still bothered her, she had to admit it.

"Okay, fine. You're a great cook and this is the best goddamn chicken I've ever had."

A smile crept up his face and he looked pleased, though he said nothing but "Thanks."

The rest of the meal was mostly light small talk and comfortable silence. When they were finished, Bellamy got up to bring the dishes to the kitchen, but Clarke put a hand on his.

"No" she said "You cooked, I clean up." He looked at her unsure for a while, but settled for a smile.

"I'll help you."

She was starting to protest, but he already carried their plates to the kitchen.

They decided on her washing the dishes and him drying them, and they did so in silence until Bellamy spoke up.

"So how come you've shown up so early? Why didn't you ride with Raven or the others?"

"Well I was on a medical seminar for a few days and it just ended today. How about you?"

"I was visiting someone." He responded curtly.

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter."

She sensed he didn't want to talk about it, and let it go for now. Wait, what did she mean by 'for now'; it was not like she was going to have any heart-to-heart talks with Bellamy in near future. This was his business, and none of hers.

When he put the last pot in the cupboard, they went back to the living room area. Because she saw his book on the couch table, she went to her room, got her med books and placed herself on the couch with them. Bellamy was kneeling in front of the fireplace, trying to light it. When he succeeded, he sat into one of the armchairs. She watched him pick up his book and getting glued to the lines immediately.

After a while of comfortable companionship, Clarke's head was so full of information she needed a pause. The wine bottle had been emptied earlier, but surely there was another one. After getting it she poured herself a glass, and without asking filled Bellamy's as well.

"Thanks princess." He said absentmindedly, still stuck in his book.

"Would you please stop calling me that?"

He looked up, confused. "Why?"

"Because it's… as if you're looking down on me. You're belittling me, and judging me for my parent's success and it's getting on my nerves. "

His brows furrowed. "I'm sorry; I don't mean it like that."

"Then why do you keep saying it?" She asked frustrated.

"I don't know, habit, probably. In the beginning, I mean, I called you princess because of what I heard about your parents and I thought you were a privileged brat. Now I know you're not, but I guess it's just a habit from all the years you hated me."

She looked at him in disbelief.

" _I_ hated _you_? Clearly, it was the other way round. You were despising me from the very moment I entered your house."

"I didn't hate you. I found you annoying, yes, and I was angry, but I didn't hate you. You responded to my rudeness with more rudeness, and it was my fault, because I made you hate me. That's why you are so distant and icy towards me."

"You think I hate you? Wait, what do you mean distant and icy? I'm not icy!"

"Yeah, you are. You're acting like you can't stand me most of the time!"

"But that's not true! Well, maybe it was when we were younger, but you've really been an asshole back then! I wasn't rude to you for years!" Clarke snapped.

"No, but you ignored me, which is even worse." His eyes grew darker.

"I didn't ignore you!"

"Oh, yeah , how could I forget?" He stood up now, eyes blazing fire at her.

"You didn't ignore me when you were lonely and in need of someone to tell you you're worth something after your various partners cheated on you, you didn't ignore me when you felt the need to use me like that, you didn't ignore me when all you had on your mind was _yourself_!"

She was too shocked to speak, her mouth just forming an o-shape while she stared at him in disbelieve.

"That's – I – "

The worst thing was, she couldn't even deny it. It was true – she'd ran to him when she had felt worthless and uncared for.

"Don't you deny it, Clarke, or I swear I – " His eyes still burned with hatred. Maybe not hatred – something else, something like… hurt?

"I'm not denying it, okay? I'm sorry! Is that what you want me to say? That I'm sorry for craving your comfort when I was at my worst? I'm sorry for not wanting to be alone? That I'm freaking sorry for feeling _safe_ in your presence?" her voice got louder and louder, and the last sentence was all but shouted.

"Craving my _comfort?_ You sure as hell weren't craving my _comfort_ when you showed up at my bedroom in the middle of the night, condoms at ready! You know what I think? That every time when life gets you down, you think that good old Bellamy might be in for a quick fuck to lift your spirits!"

"Oh, and when Raven was looking for exactly _that – "_ her cheeks had turned red at his crude language – "you sure as hell didn't object!"

"That's because Raven doesn't _mean_ anything to me!"

His shout was followed by stunned silence.

Clarke couldn't do much but stare at him.

"Are you happy now?" His voice was still angry.

And without warning, without much thought she suddenly flung herself into his arms, and his lips were on hers and their teeth clashed and he was furious and she was too and their tongues danced and battled and she bit his lip and he pulled her hair and suddenly they fell back onto the couch and it was by far the most passionate moment in her entire life.

"You're such an asshole" She hissed as he bit and sucked on her neck.

"Pretentious princess."

She pulled his face up again to kiss him ferociously. His hands pulled at her shirt and she broke free from him to pull it above her head. His fingers danced across her naked skin, making her shudder.

"You really don't want to know for how long I've been dreaming about this." He growled into her ear.

She bit into the skin where his neck met his shoulder, hard.

Her fingers danced across his abdomen until she reached his belt buckle. His mouth latched back onto hers, and his tongue danced with hers in a way that had her suppress a moan.

The crackling of the fire sounded like fireworks in her mind as Bellamy continued ripping her clothes off and slowly but steadily got closer to the ache between her legs.

"Bell" She moaned as he touched her right there, making her whole body shiver with lust.

As their bodies united, Clarke felt the moment was almost sacred; the most intense thing she had ever experienced.

And she experienced it again and again and again, on the couch, in the kitchen, and finally, in her bed.

Before she fell asleep, her head on Bellamy's chest and the steady sound of his heart beneath her ear, a fleeting thought occupied her mind: _I don't want this to be a one-time-thing._

* * *

The next few days were amazing. Between reading and playing chess, Bellamy tried to teach her the basics of cooking, which she had to admit weren't that hard after all. And they talked – actually talked, had deep conversations and heated arguments and shared stories without them actually fighting. Bellamy was just about the most entertaining conversationalist she'd ever met – she enjoyed their talks as much as she enjoyed their nights spent in her bed.

Eventually, the snow had been cleared and Octavia, Lincoln, Jasper, Monty, Raven and Wick came around. At first, Clarke was unsure how to behave; Bellamy and her hadn't talked about anything like that. She didn't really know what they were, if they even were something; and what their friends should think they were.

But the question dissipated that afternoon. The group was sitting around the fireplace, and when Bellamy got up to get some wine, she asked: "Bell, can you bring some chips too?"

And he answered "Sure, babe." , and kissed her on the top of her head. The smirk on his face when all their friends gasped and her cheeks flushed bright red told her he'd done it very consciously.

"No. Frickin. Way!" Octavia half squealed, half shouted.

"Please, that one was coming for years." Raven said, a smug look on her face.

"How? When? Why? How?" Octavia seemed stunned, and her boyfriend chuckled and pulled her against his chest.

"Babe, give those two some privacy."

"The hell I will! My brother and my best friend, like, you can't expect me to quietly accept that!"

Bellamy chuckled. "O, relax. We just had a talk about the old times, resolved some issues, and realized we were meant for each other. No big deal."

"Meant for each other?" Clarke, who had already had flushed cheeks, turned beet red.

"I'm not letting you go now that I've got you, that's for sure."

Clarke couldn't stop grinning like an idiot for the rest of the evening.


	7. Christmas 2020

**A/N: This is a short, fluffy chapter and probably the last. Thank all of you who have stuck to the story until the end, especially those who took their time to leave a review - these mean the world to me. Happy New Year, too!**

* * *

 _Christmas 2020_

 _(Clarke is 25; Bellamy is 29)_

Her glasses nearly slipped over the tip of her nose again. Clarke sighed as she adjusted them, her eyes jumping over the lines of her textbook. Being in the fourth year of med school, she had to study hard lately; she had a big test coming up, the one basically deciding over her future. It drove her mad to see all her friends, who had finished college and threw themselves onto the job market, doing things they dreamed of, while she was still stuck in school.

But this year, she'd be finished and would start working at the local hospital. She was really looking forward to it; after all those years of hard work, she'd finally be able to pursue her dream and help people. Bellamy's job at a security agency gave them financial security, but sometimes Clarke caught herself thinking ahead; what if they needed to move to a bigger house, if she got pregnant, what if…?

The sound of the front door opening interrupted her line of thoughts, then the sound of boots coming up behind her, and she broke into a laugh when Bellamy's big hands grabbed her under the arms to lift her up, causing her to drop her books.

"Bell!" She laughed as he spun her around the room before he set her back onto her feet and pressed a kiss to her neck.

"'Tis not the time to study, Clarke, 'tis the time to be jolly! It's Christmas, for Christ's sake!" He spun her around so she was facing him.

"Don't curse on his birthday!" She giggled and put her arms around his neck.

"I'm serious though. Chuck those textbooks and come on a walk with me. It's snowing!"

"A walk in the snow? Wow, how romantic. Just like that time you almost made me cheat on my boyfriend."

"I didn't make you do anything" he answered with a smug grin. "The good thing is, now we can go on a romantic walk in the snow and you can cheat on your boyfriend with me all you want."

"Oh, but what will I do when he finds out? My boyfriend is awfully jealous, you know."

"Only because he loves you so much."

"That's nice to know, though I'd prefer hearing it from himself."

"Oh, if you insist: I love you, Clarke Griffin!" He declared dramatically and laughed, then he picked up her coat and scarf.

"Take a walk with me?" He cocked his head to the side and gave her one of his smiles, the kind she couldn't resist.

Sighing, she put on boots, the coat and scarf, took his hand and followed him outside. It really was quite romantic, the sun had just set and the snow fell in the grey twilight. The street below their apartment wasn't very busy; only a few people hurried by, wrapped in their hats and scarfs. Bell directed her to the park; he knew it was one of Clarke's favorite places in the city. Sometimes they'd go out there and feed the ducks for hours, and he knew that whenever he came home and she wasn't there, it was likely he'd find her by the lake, sitting on a bench with a book or simply watching the water.

"So, Clarke, I was thinking." Bellamy broke the comfortable silence they had walked in for the past few minutes.

"You're always thinking."

They had played that game before, and usually, he would now respond with "Of you", but he didn't, his face growing serious.

"I think it's time to think ahead, you know? There's a lot coming for us, with you starting to work and me getting that promotion…" He trailed off and briefly cleared his throat.

"I don't think it's going to be easy, with you probably working really hard, and you know my working hours aren't always exactly convenient."

She suddenly started to feel very cold. Was he breaking up with her?

"Bell…"

"No, wait, let me finish. I know it's not going to be easy, but I know that we will be able to make it. And I know that because I know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. Ok, maybe you're on a par with O, but that's different." He cleared his throat again, fidgeting a bit nervously.

"What I'm trying to say is, that I know that I want this love between us to always be there, and I know that when I picture myself old and gray, it's you I picture next to me, just as old and gray but still the woman I fell in love with, like, fifty years ago."

"That's a long time to be together."

"I know. But I also know that I will love every second of it. Hell, I even love your mom. You love Octavia. We're basically one big family. And I- I wanted to make it even more so."

Clarke's heart was beating so fast she thought it might just explode.

It was dark by now, and the streetlamps bathed everything in a light orange glow.

They were near the middle of the park. She could see the water fountain, out of order in the winter, and a few kids laughing as they played in the snow. One of them was a little boy with bright blond hair. She imagined he had freckles and deep brown eyes.

A light tug on her hand made her stop and turn to Bellamy. He stood there, one hand clasped in hers, and one nervously twitching.

"Clarke… I want to marry you."

She wasn't able to form words for a second, dumbly staring at him.

"Do you want to? Marry me?" His nervous smile faded as she continued to be silent.

She looked at his face; his freckled nose, the little dimple in his chin, his tousled curls, and those brown, brown eyes that she wanted to keep looking at until she was gray and old.

"Yes." She nearly whispered. She cleared her throat and repeated it. "Yes."

His whole face lit up with a beaming smile. He threw his arms around her and lifted her up, twirling her around two times before gently putting her back on her feet.

"Clarke." The way he said her name gave her chills, as if it was something sacred, something to be in awe of.

"I'm sorry if you're disappointed. I know O will hit me when she hears about this. But, I thought about it, and grand romantic gestures just take away the meaning, I think. Had I gotten an orchestra and let a plane write 'Marry Me' into the sky, it would have turned this thing into a show, and I didn't want that. I want to be able to make you want to say yes simply because I'm asking, and not because I've taken you to Paris. Does that make any sense to you?"

Strangely, it really did. Though she had, of course, always imagined the big knee drop and a ring in a little box, right now, this was more than enough. It was Bellamy, true and simple, who wanted to marry her. It was all she needed.

And then, one by one, all the Christmas lights around the park turned on, the fairy lights woven in the trees and around the fountain, in between lanterns, making the world shine and twinkle in their gleam. The snow descended softly around them, and Bellamy started laughing.

"I swear I didn't plan that."

"It would have surprised me if you had, because the timing's perfect." Bell gasped in mock offend before grinning cheekily. "You're probably right."

She heard a shriek from one of the kids playing, and turned her head to look; two of them were wrestling each other in the snow.

She turned her head back to Bellamy; he was lacing his shoe.

Or at least she thought so for a second, before she realized he was facing her, holding up a little box.

"Now that you've said yes just because of me, I'm trying to be a bit romantic. Clarke, love of my life, light of my days, will you marry me?"

She laughed at his cheesiness. In fact, she couldn't stop laughing as her brain comprehended it all, her happiness bubbling inside of her and finally overflowing as tears made their way down her cheeks. She was still grinning like an idiot when he put the ring on her finger and stood up to kiss her.

"I thought I'd do it on Christmas, because it seems to me that it's always at Christmas time that you and I had our most significant moments."

"Maybe that's because Christmas is the time of love."

"How poetic."

"Shut up."

"Imagine where we could already be if you'd just realized what an impossibly great guy I am just a few Christmases' earlier."

"Imagine where we could be now if you hadn't called me a stuck-up princess the first time we met."

"Point taken."

He was silent for a while, before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Just imagine where we could be around Christmas time next year. Or the year after that, after that, and after that."

"Around Christmas next year, we'll be _married._ I'll have a _husband_. That's some serious adult kind of shit."

"Clarke, you _are_ an adult."

"Still. I don't think I'm prepared for that."

"Don't worry, princess, I'm prepared enough for the both of us."


End file.
